It was a few years into married life that I first experienced a family reunion on Alison’s side of the family. I remember it clearly.

It was a Johnson Family reunion. It was on her dad’s side of the family. As I walked in the door, I was given a name tag that said “Mark Borresen” . . . most other people had something else written on there about how they were related to the Johnsons. I wasn’t related, so mine just had Borresen.

It was strange, really. Wandering around, not feeling like I belonged. I have to admit I was at a bit of a loss and didn’t feel overly comfortable. Don’t get me wrong. I can talk and chat away about all sorts of things with people. It wasn’t that. I just didn’t really feel like it was where I was supposed to be.

A sense of belonging is vital to us as human beings. In my experience, this is particularly true of our kids as they are growing up. It provides the security and warmth that our kids need to be able to be their best selves. Creating a sense of belonging to school and family is a critical responsibility and one I see as shared between us all. It is something we try very hard to develop with our children here at Prescott Primary Northern.

Below is an article with some practical suggestions about how we can do that for our children and families. Please have a read and take some wisdom from it that you can apply to your family.

“Belonging is a hot topic right now. It’s on posters and internet memes, with some schools making it their number one priority. A sense of belonging at school has been linked to better grades, improved physical and mental health, and positive outcomes for future education or employment. But what does school belonging mean and what steps can you, as a parent, take to encourage it?

Most children first begin to form bonds of belonging with their family circle. As they grow up, their social connections expand beyond the household. Naturally, since kids spend a significant portion of their days at school, the school becomes a key environment to form connections and experience feelings of belonging.

Benefits of school belonging

School belonging is “the extent to which students feel personally accepted, respected, included, and supported by others in the school social environment.” Multiple supports (teachers, parents, peers, etc.) come together to encourage school belonging.

When kids feel like they belong at school, they enjoy greater overall wellbeing, improved academic achievements, better physical and mental health, and increased self-esteem. They behave better, are kinder, and participate more in classroom and extracurricular activities when they feel connected to their schools. School belonging can also have the potential to prevent negative outcomes such as school dropout, low academic achievement, low self-esteem, behavioural issues, and feelings of anxiety and loneliness.

Sound good? How can we create a stronger feeling that our kids “belong” at school?

Offer academic support and encouragement

In a 2007 study of American middle school girls, Pauline Garcia-Reid found that parental support is directly related to school engagement. That’s important because school engagement (e.g., participation in class or extracurriculars) increases school belonging. The students in Garcia-Reid’s study who reported higher levels of supportive parental behaviours were more positively engaged in school.

So, let’s stop the psychobabble and focus on how we do this: The researchers said it’s by having regular conversations about school, classes your kid is taking, and plans for the future. These conversations can help nurture a desire to engage and achieve at school and inspire plans for higher education. Pretty simple, right?

Get involved

Research shows involvement is important – but not the controlling kind. Instead, we are going to help build belonging best when we are supportive.

What does this mean? Show up to school activities. Take opportunities to provide input in educational decisions. Other examples of at-home involvement include encouraging education conversations and being across schoolwork more generally.

A lot of parents check out of being involved as their children mature. This might not be so helpful. Research suggests that parental school involvement is just as important during the middle and later years of education as it is for younger years. Of course, that may be easier said than done. As teens gain more independence and busy schedules get in the way, it is typical for parents to step back from school involvement. But remember – school involvement comes in many forms. Small steps, like attending a parent evening or getting in touch with a teacher, can still go a long way for your kid’s engagement and performance in school.

Form close family relationships

Positive family relationships incorporate all the strategies we have explored so far. Supportive behaviour, encouraging communication, and active involvement in your kid’s life – at school and beyond – all contribute to a strong relationship.

Close family relationships may not seem especially relevant to education. However, research shows that family relationships directly affect school connectedness and academic performance.

At the end of the day, it’s about being there for your kids. When kids feel like they can come to you for support and advice in their everyday lives, that feeling will extend to support for school. A sense of belonging at home, in the community, and at school can do wonders for your kid’s academic engagement and achievement.

Most of us take the first steps to a healthy sense of belonging at home, closely followed by school. Although we continue to form our sense of belonging throughout our lives, school belonging plays a crucial role in kids’ development and motivation to belong moving forward. Teachers, educational policymakers, and parents all have a role to play in encouraging school belonging.” (Allen, 2023)

Have a great week with our kids,

Mark B

Talking about emotions

Did you know that there are about 34,000 different human emotions?

Some days, we and our kids seem to feel them all.

Being able to recognise emotions is important. Our kids don’t need to be able to name all 34,000 different, but…

Kids who are able to identify what they’re feeling more regularly:

- Display fewer behaviour problems
- Do better in school
- Are more empathetic and supportive of others
- Develop healthy copy skills and resilience
- Have a positive self image
- Have positive and stable relationships with others
- Better mental health

Below are two examples of an emotion wheel, or feelings wheel, that you might like to use with your children at home. The first is designed for younger children, and builds on the concept of Zones of Regulation; while the second can be useful for older children, teens and adults alike.

Using and referring to these tools regularly assists with emotional regulation – which in simple terms means calming down and coping with your emotions in an appropriate way (it is mostly about getting back in the green zone – but you don’t always have to be in the green zone, other zones may be appropriate in certain situations).

Here's a few ideas to get started on using these tools:

1. Practice often – Use the wheel to discuss the highs and lows of each persons day at the family dinner table in the car. When adults participate in models appropriate ways to process and communicate emotions.

2. Use it before the breakdown – If you get the sense that your child, or someone else is sensitive or on edge, using the wheel to help them identify the emotions they are feeling can help prevent explosions. As they say ‘Emotions demand to be felt. You can choose when to take care of them, or they will choose for you.’

3. Use it during a shutdown – if your child seems more isolated or quiet, referencing the feelings wheel can help you check in and let them see what they may be experiencing even if they don’t realise it.

4. Empathise - By being specific in naming and using our emotions we can better identify shared experiences that will help us understand what each other is feeling.

How could using an emotion wheel help your family?

Prescott College