I was talking with some teachers this week about various classroom matters when the topic of anxious kids came up. As a parent of one child who particularly struggled to conquer stress and anxiety at school, my ears pricked up and I began to recall the many hours and approaches spent helping my daughter. I then thought of a statistics class I once took at university (big leap, I know, but stay with me) and remembered a study we were looking at in relation to anxiousness and test performance. The results from a large study showed that students with little or no anxiousness surrounding an assessment and those with very high levels of anxiety, did not perform as well as those with a small to moderate degree on anxiousness. It was an eye opener for me to realise, anxiety is actually a natural reaction for us and that if we can understand it and control it, it can actually help us along. When I read the article below about strategies to help us encourage and support our children when they face (and they all will) things in life that they become anxious about, I thought it may shed some light on the topic. When the article refers to mindfulness, I interpret this as reflective thinking about the situation we are in, in a way that appreciates and doesn’t catastrophise.

I have often written here before that we seem to be living in a society where our children are forced to grow up before their time and the long arms of media, advertising and even our own sharing, is pushing the situation along. Please enjoy the article below and I hope you find it helpful.

“Anxiety disorders are currently taking a heavy toll on Australian children and young people.

It’s been estimated that there will be at least four children in every Australian classroom who are experiencing an anxiety disorder at some stage during a year.

Anxiety is not restricted to secondary schools either, with children as young as four now presenting with symptoms of anxiety, manifested in headaches, tantrums and refusal to go to school.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that there is still a stigma attached to anxiety as people still seem to associate it with weakness and don’t understand the difference between normal feelings of stress and crippling anxiety.

Anxiety is normal

Anxiety is the body’s response to fear, real or perceived. It’s our body’s way of protecting us when we’re in danger. It’s completely normal to feel anxious from time to time. A child might feel anxious about speaking in front of their class or a teen might feel anxious about an exam. Those anxious feelings can act as a motivator to do more revision or be better prepared. With ‘normal’ anxiety, when the stressful event has passed, the anxious feelings pass too.

We can liken our anxiety response to a smoke alarm. The alarm is designed to alert us to fire, a danger that can threaten our lives. Anxiety becomes a problem when the mind’s alarm system is extremely sensitive and responds when there’s no genuine danger present.

Anxiety needs to be addressed when it starts interfering with daily life. Kids and teens with anxiety experience the symptoms when they’re actually quite safe; the danger is only imagined. And sometimes anxiety shows up for no reason at all.

Parents are well positioned to provide kids with the tools and skills to regulate their anxiousness. Here are four critical skills to teach kids to help them self-manage feelings of anxiousness:

1. Breathing to calm down the anxiety

When it comes to calming down anxiety, the brain ‘listens’ to the body. Kids and teens can show their brain they’re safe using deep, slow breathing. This type of breathing helps bring the brain down from high alert and signals the nervous system to begin to return to normal. Encouraging kids to practise deep breathing in between times of high anxiety is essential. By practising, they’re preparing their body to also be able to calm down using breathing when the fight or flight response is in full swing.

2. Mindfulness to bring kids into the present

Generally kids become anxious about future events such as giving a talk, starting secondary school or going into an unfamiliar situations. They can be perfectly safe yet their bodies can respond as if they are in danger because they are thinking about what may happen. Mindfulness is a great tool to bring kids into the present and relieve them of their feelings of anxiousness.

3. Exercise to dissipate anxiety

Exercise plays a huge role in anxiety management, yet children’s lifestyles are increasingly sedentary. Exercise and movement help kids regulate their moods and reduce the symptoms of anxiety. Play and exercise help to ease muscle tension, regulate breathing and induce the release of ‘feel-good’ neurotransmitters.

4. Thought-noticing to shift thinking

Thought-noticing is a wonderful skill set that helps kids to better manage their mental health. When kids tune into their thinking, they can immediately distance themselves from it. Rather than being lost in the thoughts that are making them feel anxious, they can mentally step back and see the thought for what it is – a thought which comes and goes, and not a fact.

Breathing, mindfulness, exercise and thought-noticing are best taught and practised when kids are not under stress. They are most effective when they become an entrenched part of kids’ lifestyles rather than an activity to be called upon from time to time.” (Grose, 2018)

Have a great week with your kids,

Mark B

I want you to know …

Have you ever had a really bad day? Not just a bad day, but an everything-feels-like-it-is-falling-apart day.

This man, let’s call him John had just had a really, really bad day! Now to prove that I am not exaggerating, this is what happened to him.

John was minding his own business, when one of his workers came running as quickly as his legs would carry him. In between his huffing and puffing from the run, the worker told the story of how all of John’s donkeys and oxen were stolen, and all of the workers looking after the animals became collateral damage, and that he was the only one able to escape to tell John.

I can imagine John’s mind doing calculations while his worker was talking which may have been something to the effect of, “That is only 1,000 animals, I still have another 10,000 and plenty of workers to look after them, it’s not great, but it will be alright.”

Another worker had arrived a few moments before the first had finished talking, once he had got his breath, he quickly added, a fire consumed the sheep and the servants, I was the only one who got away… At this point John would have become worried, “That is 7,000 sheep, all I have left are my 3,000 camels. How can this be happening?”

To cut a long story quite short, another worker arrived, and broke the news that the camels had also been stolen, and before John had the chance to mourn the loss of his entire business. Another worker arrived and told him that all of his 10 children had been in an accident where the house collapsed on them, and sadly they did not make it. John went from being the wealthiest man in the East to a man having only his wife and 4 workers with no work to do. All in a matter of moments.

As you can imagine, John was hurting, this had been a very, very bad day indeed. But little did John know that very shortly he would also end up with sores covering his entire body.

Despite his wife’s encouragement to, John had not given up on God. His friends had also been saying some pretty hurtful things, but John wouldn’t give up God.

However, he did ask God why. And God’s response can be found in Job chapter 38. Where God pretty much says, okay, you’ve asked questions, now it’s my turn. With these questions He reminds John how incredible God is, how wise He is, and that even when we don’t understand God, He truly can be trusted.

Some of the questions were as follows: “Where were you when I (God) laid the earth’s foundation?” (Job 38:4) “Have you ever given orders to the morning” (Job 38:12) “Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?” (Job 39:1) “Do you give the horse his strength?” (Job 39:19) “Does the hawk take flight by your wisdom?” (Job39:26) “Does the eagle soar at your command?” (Job 39:27)

How incredible is it that God not only cares about when the goats give birth, He gives strength to horses, shows the hawk where to fly, He created the earth and hung it in the sky. This powerful God wants to know you, He wants to be there for you when you are having a good day, a bad day or the worst day imaginable!

In a person’s darkest time it can be difficult to see how good God truly is. But in those times I encourage you to spend time in nature with God. Look at all the incredible things He has made and cares for. And know that He made you and cares so deeply for you too.

*Please note, John’s actual name was Job, and his story is found in the Bible in the book of Job.