Little Giggles Playgroup Visit our Library  

Our friends at Little Giggles Playgroup were hopping with excitement when they crossed the carpark to visit the ‘big kids school’ last Monday.  

The little ones sat down with Mrs Blyde in the library for story-time and enjoyed a book about Felix the Frog. Each of them were also given a craft pack so they could make their own ‘Felix’. 

I vividly remember the first time I worked with a student whose perfectionism was close to paralysing for them. We had been working on a big assignment and they had really done a very good job. As we were putting the final few things in place, they picked up the papers, tore them in half and said, "this is rubbish".

My first reaction was to say, “What on earth are you doing?” Fortunately, I took a breath and asked a better question - something like, “Tell me what is frustrating you.” As we chatted and broke it down, they shared how frustrated they are when things aren’t exactly right. In fact, if it isn’t “right”, they would rather not do it, or participate, or hand it in, or look at it . . . whatever it might be. They were a really capable person, but not having things “just right” was really challenging for them. We often label this challenge perfectionism.

I read a book last year called “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown - it is a beauty if you are looking for something on the topic. We really want our kids to do their very best, but for some kids, that can become really tough when they (and sometimes we) have the expectation of perfection. Brene Brown suggests we not use the word perfectionism, but rather encourage our kids (ourselves and each other) to instead use the wolds “striving for excellence.”

I love the power of those words. 'I am a striver for excellence' has a far more realistic and healthy connotation than, “I am a perfectionist.” What follows here are some really practical suggestions we can use to help our kids who may face the challenge of “needing” everything they do to be “perfect”. There is also a link to a brief presentation on perfectionism by Dr Kaylene Henderson. I hope you find this helpful.

“There’s a perception in our society that perfectionism is a good thing, akin to ‘being perfect..’ That it’s something we should strive for or drop into conversation in job interviews… Yet the reality is quite different.

Perfectionism leads us to place unreasonably and often unrealistically high expectations on ourselves. Essentially, it causes us to raise the bar so high, that we frequently wind up feeling like failures, consumed by frustration and self-blame.

Of course, this can be very unsettling to witness in our kids and it can be hard for us to know how best to help. It can start when our children are very young and grow with them in intensity and impact. Perhaps you have a young child who refuses to draw because her drawings don’t look exactly like those of an adult artist. Or maybe your little guy becomes so distressed by a small mistake in his homework, that he insists on starting all over again in his unhealthy quest for perfection.

If you have older kids, perhaps they refuse to submit an assignment because it’s not perfect, or they won’t run the cross country because they know they won’t win.

While it’s great for our kids to hold high expectations of themselves, aiming for perfection actually sets them up to fail. Their habitual ‘all or nothing’ thinking leads to the unhelpful belief that if they don’t achieve 100%, they’ve as good as flunked. Their focus on their mistakes rather than on their successes often affects their self esteem, fuelling a vicious cycle that can lead to stress, depression and anxiety if left unchecked.

The sooner we help our kids break this unhealthy habit, the better. So let’s look at a few tips for doing just that.

Reduce your praise

There are two ways in which we tend to praise children. ‘Content praise’ often draws attention to the end product, for example, “What a fantastic drawing!”, or to a fixed quality in a child, such as “You’re so clever”. In contrast, ‘process praise’ focuses on how your child got there. When we use process praise, we draw attention to their good ideas, problem solving approaches, effort, persistence, concentration and enthusiasm.

While it’s helpful for all children to experience more process praise than content praise, this is particularly true for children with perfectionistic traits. This allows us to draw the focus away from how impressive the end result might (or should) be and instead highlight the importance of having a go, trying their best and learning along the way.

For example, rather than saying, ‘What a fantastic drawing! You’re an amazing artist – what were you worried about?’, it’s more helpful to say something like, ‘It’s great to see you having a go at drawing. I love watching you try new things’; or, ‘I love seeing the ideas you come up with when you draw’.

Of course, most of the time we needn’t praise children at all. Saying simply, ‘Drawing is fun isn’t it?,’ is often enough to provide children with that all important sense of connection.

Model making mistakes

At my children’s school, they’re taught to embrace ‘flearning’ – learning through failure. Admittedly, my children witness me ‘flearning’ all the time at home, but in the eyes of your child, you might seem perfect. It’s helpful for your kids to see that you make mistakes too, and importantly to learn through your modelling how mistakes can be managed.

Look for (or create!) opportunities to do this. When you’re planning on bringing some spoons to the dining table, you could bring knives over instead and say, ‘Oops, my mistake. Not to worry. I’ll just go back and swap these over.’ Or, perhaps you could draw alongside your toddler and deliberately keep from drawing inside the lines, commenting to your little one as you go, ‘I love drawing with you’. By doing so, you model for your child that mistakes are okay, that they needn’t hamper their enjoyment of a task and importantly, that the end result isn’t all that matters.

Teach your child to speak to themselves as a friend

How does your child talk to themselves?

Would they speak to a friend in the same way?

No? Then what might they say instead?

We all know how much our inner voice can affect how we feel. Teach your child to be kind to themselves. To be supportive, forgiving and encouraging, even when they make mistakes.

Consider how you react when your child behaves in an ‘imperfect’ way

Do you respond calmly when your child accidentally spills cereal all over the kitchen bench or do you tend to overreact? It’s important when we’re teaching our children that they needn’t be perfect, that our responses back this up.

By accepting our children as they are – wonderful, ‘good enough’ young learners – we teach them to do the same. And that’s so much better than perfect.” (Henderson, 2022)

Click here to watch a short video on perfectionism in young children.

Have a great week with our kids,

MB

Do you need some joy in your life?

Imagine you could just click a few buttons and have an extra dose of joy in your life.

This Joy Generator doesn't promise to turn your world upside-down in a good way, but it has some useful and fun (and research-backed) prompts to help you find some joy.

If you're struggling to find joy or experiencing a difficult time the tools in the generator above can be really powerful. Many are applicable to children too.

Maybe you don't need it yourself, but someone in your life does. Feel free to pass it on.

CLICK HERE TO LOAD THE JOY GENERATOR

This article from Harvard Health also provides some fascinating insights into the experience of joy, why we need it and how to cultivate it.

It includes these practical tips to help you find joy, even when life gets tough:

During difficult times, it becomes twice as important to modify your routine, allowing yourself to experience joy. Here are some ideas, although it may take some trial and error to find what works best for you:

• Perform regular aerobic physical activity. Think of physical activity as releasing a bubble bath of neurotransmitters — and their effects linger long after the exercise is over.
• Dedicate yourself to others. Activities such as volunteering produce greater joy than focusing on oneself.
• Connect with your spiritual side. When we join with something larger than ourselves, we develop feelings of gratitude, compassion, and peace.
• Discover something new. As humans, we are hard-wired to experience joy when experiencing novelty. Developing a new pursuit can help us refocus our energy.
• Give yourself permission to take a few moments of pleasure, especially when you are feeling low. You can try NPR’s Joy Generator for a taste.
• Pay attention to the good. A joyous mindset can be developed, but takes practice. The three good things exercise helps you keep an eye out for the positives during the day.
• Conversely, limit negativity. Whether it’s gossipy coworkers, a toxic relationship with a family member, or a complaining friend, spending time around a negative mindset influences us directly. It’s okay to set limits.
• Focus your efforts on what brings meaning to your life (and don’t focus on money).
• Ask your doctor about whether your medications can affect your ability to experience pleasure, especially if you are taking antidepressants.

Click here to read How to find joy (or at least peace) in difficult times.

Thanks for looking after yourself, your kids and those around you!

Class Placement Considerations

Upcoming Staffing Opportunities for 2023

Prescott Primary Northern has the following staffing opportunities for 2023 for the following positions.

• SSO (School Support Officer) – 5 days
• SSO (School Support Officer) – 4 days
• SSO (School Support Officer) – up to 4 days
• Front Office Administration Trainee – 5 days – 1 year contract

See the role descriptions for further details. Applications close on the 25^th of November.

SSO (School Support Officer) - 5 days

SSO (School Support Officer) - up to 4 days

Front Office Administration Trainee - 5 days - 1 Year Contract

Miss Curtis Got Married!

On the 29^th of October, Miss Megan Curtis married her best friend Brad Joyce at a beautiful wedding celebration surrounded by loved ones. Congratulations to Mrs and Mr Joyce on this beautiful and joyous occasion!

Parking on Wright Road

If you park your car on Wright Road (or other streets around the school) during drop-off and pick-up can you please help the school be a good neighbour by not parking on private property and across driveways. 

In particular, there have recently been incidents of parents’ cars blocking access to, or parking on the property immediately to the east of the front office (highlighted below in yellow).

Thank you for being mindful of others as you drop off and pick up your children.

Daily Health Check

Do's & Dont's of Dropping Your Kids to School

SACSA Basketball

Prescott College

My OSHC

Please note it is a pupil free day on Friday 11th November. Please book your child into OSHC for this day if required.