Until recently, I really struggled to make my bed each day. As a kid growing up, I really couldn’t see the point, and would argue with my parents that I was only going to mess it up again that night so why bother. My dad had spent time in the army in National Service and attached great importance to such matters. Through my teenage years, and as I moved out of home, the old “the doona will cover it all up” theory worked for me.

I decided recently that making my bed well each morning would help me get up and going for the day, and so, I have been trying to make it a habit.

Last weekend, a book title caught my eye because of my recent change in practice, and so I listened to it on Audible. The book is called, Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life... and Maybe the World by Admiral William H McRaven. It’s not a big book, only 96 pages, but here’s the bit that got me to read further, “Making your bed is a reflection of your discipline, your pride and your personal habits.” (McRaven, 2017)

The book grew out of a graduation speech McRaven gave at the University of Texas. He was speaking to young adults about to step out into their working lives, and he led with the idea of making your bed. As usual, readings like this get my head going to all sorts of places and things, but I kept coming back to the idea of discipline.

The thing I have learned about discipline over the years is that it becomes true discipline when we don’t have someone right there beside us making sure we are disciplined.

In other words, true discipline shows when the direct instruction and accountability is taken away.

I have written in the past about good education being about making teachers become less and less needed by the student, and good parenting is around becoming less and less required in the everyday running of our kids' lives (there is always a role for our parents and teachers, but it takes a back seat, especially in the discipline side of things). I have referred to it as 'redundancy parenting or teaching'.

However, while our kids are younger, we have a pivotal role to play in disciplining our children. I was chatting with some of our school leaders the other day about the difference between punishment and discipline, how they are not the same,  and how we need to recognise the difference. I read the below article recently that made a clear distinction between the two. It is written specifically for a parenting context, with some practical tips for us as parents, grandparents, and teachers.

Please have a read as I think it will provide good food for thought, and there is also a link to a free webinar on Wednesday, June 8 called “Encouraging good behaviour”.

“Season one of Parental Guidance, a reality TV program that aired in November 2021 on Channel Nine, brought several parenting controversies to the fore. One of these was a challenging conversation around discipline.

During the show, some parents were aghast when a mum and dad from Newcastle, NSW, disclosed that their discipline included smacking. A couple from South Australiaʼs Barossa Valley divulged the occasional washing of their boys’ mouths with soap if they lied or swore. Meanwhile, our “attachment” parents from Melbourne were unwilling to countenance any form of punishment when their children had meltdowns or behaved in an oppositional way.

Discipline is one of the most confusing – and challenging – topics that parents grapple with. Unfortunately, we have inherited centuries of unhelpful ideas, and they continue to interfere with what science is showing works best.

What is discipline?

The first definition of “discipline” in the dictionary is “punishment”. But this is a relatively new way of understanding the word. Until a couple of hundred years ago, to be disciplined meant to be shown a way to follow. Discipline literally means to teach, guide, and instruct; or to show the right way.

Why traditional discipline doesn’t work

Most parents think of traditional discipline as punishments to administer to their children when they misbehave. These punishments can take the form of smacking, time out, grounding, withdrawal of privileges, and so on. In the lead-up to these punishments, many parents try bribing, threatening, and yelling. Eventually, they crack.

While there may be, from time to time, a need for these discipline approaches (that is, for punishment), the reality is that science has shown us there are better ways. When we punish, we teach our kids all the wrong lessons:

• Might is right. If youʼre big, you can make the little people do what you want
• Power gets you what you want
• Other peopleʼs reasons donʼt matter
• Mistakes are bad

Perhaps most important, punishing our kids makes them more selfish. They sit in their room and hate us and their siblings. They blame others rather than taking responsibility. Traditional discipline ruptures the relationship between parent and child.

Traditional discipline lacks compassion, empathy, understanding, and perspective. It leaves our kids feeling unworthy. The real reason for this is simple: punishment is about making someone pay a price; exacting retribution. Punishment is about hurting others.

The secret to perfect discipline

Real discipline is not about hurting. Real discipline is about helping. When we teach, guide, and instruct, we show a better way for a child who is struggling. The following ideas will help you get your discipline aligned with the best outcomes:

Children are people too

Sometimes we forget that children are people. They seem like impediments in our otherwise well-ordered life! But they have feelings, hopes, dreams, and challenges. Seeing them as people helps us to respond to them with kindness, even when theyʼre being challenging.

Understand Development

We forget that our children are wearing “L” plates while they learn how to do life. They donʼt quite know how to behave yet. But if it takes 5 years before they can tie a shoelace, it will take even longer before they can regulate emotions and behaviours. Some adults still struggle. Be patient while they develop.

Donʼt confuse motivation with ability

We sometimes get mad at our children when theyʼre not playing by the rules. But often itʼs not because they donʼt want to be good. Itʼs because they donʼt know how. Theyʼre too tired, theyʼre hungry, theyʼre stressed. Or maybe theyʼre all of the above. We discipline best when we recognise their capability in the context.

Get curious, not furious

When a child is being challenging itʼs tempting to explode. Itʼs better to explore. Itʼs tempting to reprimand. Itʼs better to understand. Itʼs tempting to be furious. Instead, get curious. When we take the time to understand their perspective, problem solving gets easier.

As we focus on teaching and guiding our children, the data points to better outcomes in behaviour, both now and in the long term. Kids with parents who practice childrearing in this way are more likely to do well in school, with peers, and make better choices. Itʼs a hard way to parent, but when we invest for the long-term, the results are worth it.” (Coulson, 2022)

Free Webinar - Dr Justin Coulson presents: Encouraging good behaviour

Our school has a membership with Parenting Ideas. As part of this membership, you can attend the upcoming webinar ‘Encouraging good behaviour’ at no cost.

In this webinar, Dr Justin Coulson explores the concept of discipline and how parents can encourage good behaviour in children.

When: Wednesday 8 June 2022 8:00pm AEST,

How to register for free:

Click this link => https://www.parentingideas.com.au/parent-resources/parent-webinars/webinar-encouraging-good-behaviour

1. Click ‘Add to cart’
2. Click ‘View cart’
3. Enter the coupon code ENCOURAGE and click ‘Apply Coupon’ Your discount of $39 will be applied.
4. Click ‘Proceed to checkout’
5. Fill in your account details including our school’s name to verify your eligibility. These are the details you will use to login to your account and access your webinar and resources
6. Click ‘Place Order’

This offer is valid until 8 September 2022. If you’re unable to make the broadcast time, just register anyway and you will get access to the recording.

Have a great week with your kids,

Mark B

Hey Prescott Family!

I hope you have all had an awesome week so far and have been enjoying this new Term 2. It's starting to get chillier and wet as we get to the winter months. I don't know about you, but when it gets to these months, I like to just hibernate at home in the warmth of my blankets and just hide there. Not being bothered to do anything and just to stay in the warmth.

As an encouragement for you all, there is a verse in Romans 15:2 that says:

Do they have devices in their bedroom?

Did you know that during last year’s COVID lockdown, children spent almost 27 more hours each week on their screens compared to pre-pandemic levels. That’s more than one full day extra on their smartphones, tablets, computers, and television.

According to the Deakin University study, the greatest changes were among children aged between five and 12 years old.

Research suggests these figures have dropped – but not significantly, in 2022. And, one of the biggest differences has been the time children are spending on devices in their own rooms, particularly in the evening hours.

The risks

When we allow screens into children’s bedrooms we often struggle to really know:

• What they are doing or watching
• How long they are doing it for
• Who they are doing it with

While there are systems available to help manage these risk, the truth is that no application is needed if the devices are only used in common areas of the house and we are able to check in on them freely.

Bedrooms are a naturally private space. We wouldn’t invite a stranger who arrives at our doorstep into our bedrooms – but many people, and children are doing just this through their screens. An increase in bullying behaviour, mental health challenges and risk-taking in children is strongly correlated with increased screen time – particularly when it happens in the bedroom.

The Impact

Amongst all of these social risks, one of the biggest impacts of devices in bedrooms is on sleep.

Getting enough, quality sleep is not only a predictor of short-term success and emotional regulation, but of life-long health and wellbeing. In short, it’s important we help our kids get enough sleep – and screens at bedtime do the exact opposite.

A study in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that children aged six to 18 had an 88 percent higher risk of not sleeping enough when devices were in the bedroom and a 53 percent higher risk of getting a bad night’s sleep – and that’s when devices were in the bedroom just three nights a week.

What does that mean? If kids have devices in their bedrooms it's likely they aren’t getting enough good quality sleep. Tired kids struggle to focus and learn, manage their emotions, and eat and exercise properly.

The single step of taking the device out of the bedroom could help solve many of these problems.

Steps you can take

Dr Justin Coulson has this to say, ‘Whether it’s messing with their brain, impacting their relationships, affecting their physical health, or leading to depression, there are no strong reasons to put a screen into your child’s bedroom.’

So what can you do?

The simplest, and perhaps hardest thing to do is say ‘no’. If the ‘no screens in the bedroom’ rule already exists in your home, keep at it.

If it’s a battle you need to take up, here are some ideas to get you started:

- Move it, don’t lose it: Remind your kids that (at least at this stage) you’re not taking their device away, just asking them to use it in a different place.

- Swap it out: Put in the effort to start a new and engaging routine that replaces the screen in the bedroom. Could it be a TV show you watch together, an evening game or project you can work on, or a new toy they can play with?

- Find alternatives: Some children may feel they need a phone or other device to use as an alarm clock; so, take them shopping to buy an actual alarm clock they love.

- Have clear, compassionate and collaborative conversations: Talk with the children about their screen time experiences with (age-appropriate) questions such as: what is positive about their screen time; what negative impacts do they feel or have heard about; how could screen time be used to improve their life and their experience of family; and, what decisions could be useful to make everyone feel good about screen time?

The Screens Issue, recently published on the Happy Families website is a great read if you’d like to learn more about managing screen time and how to have what can be challenging conversations with your children. Click here to read it online now.

Mask Update

Parents are welcome to attend and masks are strongly recommended. Please social distance and stay at home if unwell.

Parents Welcomed Back on Campus

Uniform Shop

If you still need fittings for winter uniform, please note that as limited appointments are available, bookings need to be made through the Front Office on 8396 2577 as soon as possible.  Alternatively, you can order through Flexischools.  If you order the wrong size, please return the item to the Front Office in the original packaging. 

Daily Health Check

Do's & Dont's of Dropping Your Kids to School

Uppers Sports Day Postponed