I vividly recall a particular class I was taking at Adelaide University many years ago as a part of my formal teacher training. The lady leading the class was an older lady, close to retirement, who had spent decades teaching in British and Australian schools. She said something that has stuck with me ever since. We were talking about best teaching practice, and in particular, using questions to help students learn. She said, “Your questions will generally get the answers they deserve.” In other words, poor questions elicit limited thought and therefore limited thinking and learning. Good questions promote deeper thought and understanding.

This principle also applies in our parenting and guiding of children. I was not a particularly compliant child, and I clearly remember being asked this question by many adults on many occasions, “What is wrong with you, boy?” A fair enough question given some of my behaviours, but remember the principle shared by my uni lecturer? “Your questions will generally get the answers they deserve.” My thoughts in response to the “What is wrong with you” question was to think about all of the things that may have been negative about me – literally, what was wrong with me. Whether we like it or not, our children take many of their cues about themselves from us. We need to consider carefully the questions we are asking of our children, particularly in times of stress and discipline. Rephrasing the question, or turning it into a positive description of a child’s enthusiasm and energy with a direction for giving the enthusiasm boundaries, is the answer. “Wow! You are so full of beans today! Let’s move over here and burn some of that energy off,” starts a very different thought pattern for a child. We mustn’t accept poor behaviour, but just as important is that we send cues to our children that they are valued and valuable.

Have a great week with your kids,

MB