I vividly remember the “Pigeon” incident from my Year 2 class. I was seated by the window when a pigeon dropped its business on the sill right beside me. Being the sharing little chap I was, I announced this to the whole class using particularly unsavoury language. The teacher came and grabbed me by the ear lobe and took me downstairs, grabbed a cake of soap and went to give my mouth a good washing. Language is such a powerful thing and helping our children to use it responsibly, creatively and effectively can be a real challenge. However, the challenge of building people up with what is said is not confined to our children, it is something I also struggle with as an adult and must work on constantly. One of our school’s core values is Respect and I think using language positively is very much a part of this value, particularly when society’s views or family member use of what is acceptable language, is not what we would agree with. Below is an article about helping our children to speak respectfully to others. I hope you find it helpful. It has some excellent practical suggestions.

“If you’re like me, you feel decidedly uncomfortable when kids of any age turn the air blue with profanities. Swearing shows lack of respect for others, and also a lack of awareness for their surroundings.

Teaching kids to use appropriate language is trickier now than in the past. For a start, standards have changed where many words – such as the ‘F’ word – that were deemed inappropriate in the past are often heard on radio and seen in mainstream newspapers. Words that everyone agrees are inappropriate are frequently used in public forums, to the point that the boundaries of appropriateness have become blurred.

Standards may change, but the job of parents hasn’t altered. That is, to teach kids to use language that doesn’t offend others. Whether it’s teasing or swearing – it’s all the same. If a word or words are offensive, then choose other words or say nothing at all. That is the message to get across to the next generation.

Socially smart kids alter their language

Socially skilled kids of all ages will adjust their language to suit the situation they are in. They may speak one way with their friends but use a completely different vocabulary when they are with adults. They are aware that what works with their best friend just won’t cut it when they are in Grandma’s company. This awareness shows social acuity and the flexibility to adjust to different environments. It needs to be extended to all sorts of situations including where adults and younger children are present. Kids who constantly swear limit their social possibilities.

They didn’t hear that from me!

What do you do when you know your children swear despite your best intentions? Don’t over react. Try to work out its purpose. Children swear for many reasons, including: to experiment with language; to attract your attention; to make themselves appear bigger or older than they are; and even as a challenge or expression of personal power.

When swearing becomes a habit

If swearing has become a habit for kids, make up alternative words to replace the swear words. One family I know had replaced certain words with fruit. They had a fruit for every situation!

Alternatively, use a penalty or fine system to make kids aware of their poor language. When you hear a family member swear, fine them an agree amount. At the end of the week or month give the money collected to a worthy cause. Of course, this strategy is easier to implement when parents join in as well.

Take a long, hard look at, er … yourself!

It’s also helpful to examine your own choice of language to judge if it is an acceptable model for your children. Yep, sometimes kids will pick up their parents’ language and repeat it at the worst possible time, such as when relatives are over.

The job of adults is to develop a sense of social awareness in the next generation so they can easily navigate a variety of different groups and social situations. Teaching appropriate language use is at the very heart of teaching kids to be socially skilled. That’s something we all should swear by!

Things to remember when kids swear:

1. Avoid over-reacting when your kids swear. Look for the reason.
2. Discuss with older children the concept of matching their language with the audience.
3. Nip it in the bud before it becomes habit forming.
4. Use a penalty or fine system when kids swear in front of you.
5. Model the language you want your kids to use.

A last word

Standards may change, but the job of parents hasn’t altered. That is, to teach kids to use language that doesn’t offend others. If it’s offensive then encourage them to choose other words, or say nothing at all. That’s the approach that socially smart kids follow.” (Grose, 2018)

As it says in Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Have a great week with your kids,

Mark B