I was talking with a student yesterday who was very upset and worked up. Things had happened and they had got angry and troubled. We were talking about things that could help them calm down so they didn’t make any more poor choices. As they were explaining the events of the last half an hour or so, I listened intently. They said they had got to where they felt like they couldn’t keep calm. This is likely a conversation you have also had with your child. As I reflected on this interaction, I remember how challenged I was as a young person in keeping my cool. However, how many times do we face the same challenge as adults.

I clearly remember a time when I was looking after my children and I got so frustrated, I stormed out to the family room and said to Alison, “I’m tagging out! You’re in – it’s your turn!” Not all of us have the luxury that I did that day of being able to call for help from a partner or family member.  However, it is vitally important that we model how to deal with frustration and upset for our children. I am not idealistic or naïve enough to think we will not have moments of wanting to boil over as parents and educators, but what we do at those times, provides prime learning opportunities for our children. Showing them that we use calming strategies as well, and even explaining it to them afterwards, is really important learning for our kids. What are some calming strategies we might use as adults? Deep breathing, listening to music, gentling patting our pets, make a hot drink, go for a walk, take a bath, are all ways we can calm.

I would like to acknowledge our single parents and parents who may have to bear the majority of the child rearing responsibilities on their own. You may be reading this and thinking, “I don’t have the luxury of going and sitting in a warm bath if I’m angry at the kids – I still have to look after them.” I appreciate that, but I also know that if you aren’t able to build some sort of circuit breaker into your family life, it will take a heavy toll on you and your children. Adults modelling how to find calm in the storm, and asking for forgiveness and a fresh start, are such important things for our children to experience so they can do the same.

That all sounds nice, but to be calm and stay calm in the face of challenging situations is something I struggle with, and I think will continue to struggle with my whole life. However, I have experienced the opposite and I know which fits best in my endeavour to live a life of integrity.

Have a calm week with your kids,

Mark B

“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” Isaiah 26:3