It is our second last week of the 2020 school year. There is still much to happen in the time we have left. In the next few days, our Year 6s will run a special Chapel program for us, they will also graduate, the School Choir will give their final items, School Reports will go out, final school learning for the year will take place, desks will be cleaned out and, most likely, lost treasures will be found in the bottom of them.

Yesterday, we had our 2021 Foundation students come for their first “School” day, and as I watched the families bring their little ones to the front door and hand them over to staff, I tried to put myself in the shoes of these little ones. I watched as their eyes grew bigger and some snuggled closer to family, while others stepped forward boldly and walked off towards their new adventure without looking back. Kids are so different, aren’t they? There is one thing we all need, though, and that is to connect with important people in our lives. Yesterday morning’s reflections brought the following article to mind. It speaks directly about our children’s need for emotional connection and how we can go about building it. I hope you find it helpful.

“Imagine your child comes to you upset that a sibling or friend has cheated in a game. There are a number of ways to respond, including telling them not to worry (“Let it go!”), advising them how to handle it (“Next time you keep the score.”) or empathising emotionally (“You must feel disappointed.”)

Each is a legitimate response for a parent and teacher to make, but only the latter builds a deep emotional connection. Importantly, the empathetic response builds a child’s or young person’s emotional intelligence as it taps into their ability to recognise current feelings.

How emotional connection works

Kids crave to be understood by others, especially by the people they love or respect. When you accurately feed back how a child or young person is feeling you demonstrate that you really care. Strong relationships are formed on the bedrock of care, kindness and compassion.

How to give emotional feedback that connects

Giving accurate emotional feedback to an upset child or teenager takes practice. It requires that you pay attention, move into the present moment, listen to a child and identify the feeling behind their words. High or loud emotions such as anger, annoyance and panic are often easier to identify than low or muted emotions such as worry, discouragement or loneliness.

An effective way to connect on emotional level is to listen to what a child has to say, and then think back to a time you were in a similar situation. Imagine if a child says they feel horrible because their friends laughed at them when they made mistake in class. Rather than respond immediately, think back to a time when you made a mistake in front of others and identify how you felt. Embarrassed, ashamed, or annoyed? “I bet that you felt embarrassed and annoyed when your friends laughed at you.” Your child may tell you that you’re off the mark, but they’ll more than likely appreciate the empathy you show.

Feed back the positive emotions too

You don’t have to wait until something challenging happens to connect with a child on an emotional level. Accurately mirror positive feelings such as relief (after a stressful situation has passed), enthusiasm (as they begin something they love doing) and chilled (as they put their feet up at the end of the day). We all experience many emotions throughout the day. The ability to accurately recognise and feed back the emotions of children and young people is a wonderful way to build connections of quality and depth.” (Grose, 2020)

Have a great week with you kids,

Mark B