Sometimes, I find parenting and teaching really confusing. Probably not want you want to hear from the Principal of your child’s school, but bear with me. I really want the best for my kids – my home ones and my school ones. I don’t want them to have to endure anything that might be upsetting, troublesome or difficult. On the other hand, I want to prepare them for all that life might throw their way, and let’s face it, life isn’t always comfortable. It reminds me of a time when my girls were much younger. We lived down near Willunga, on the edge of my wife’s sister’s dairy farm. Much of our life was spent feeding, raising and caring for dairy cows. To do this requires good gumboots. There is lots of mud and slush on a dairy farm and so gumboots are the go.

I remember walking with one of my girls one day and she said to me, “Dad, I have a stone in my gumboot.” My first reaction, as you can imagine, was to say, “Come over here and I’ll take it out for you.” Instead, for some reason or another, I asked, “How much does it hurt?” She replied, “Only a bit, it’s not too bad.” So I said, “Let’s walk a bit further so we are in a better place to stop.” As I reflect on that incident, I think I accidently stumbled on a great lesson for my daughter. Sometimes in life, we have to put up with the uncomfortable and push through if we are going to be resilient. I’m not talking about needless danger or recklessness, I am talking about pushing on, even though it’s not particularly pleasant or preferable, to be able to reach a goal. That life lesson is a really important one for us to share with our children, especially if we want them to be resilient.

Below is a recent article from Michael Grose of Parenting Ideas that says it far more eloquently than I. I hope you find it helpful.

“Few right-minded people want children or young people to experience hardships or difficulty. However, growing up generally means that kids will experience their fair share of hardships, frustrations and challenges which lead to uncomfortable feelings.

Tolerating discomfort is an important resilience skill. It refers to an ability to sit with an uncomfortable or emotionally painful feeling such as disappointment, apprehension, nervousness or fear. These emotions can be brought about as a result of not being picked for a team; getting lower than expected marks for an assignment; or going into new, unfamiliar situation such as school camp. These are the sorts of everyday situations that can make some kids feel uncomfortable. It’s helpful to think of discomfort as a ‘muscle’ that gets stronger with training. Each time a child or teen successfully tolerates discomfort they’re reinforcing their ability to do so and cementing the knowledge that they can overcome emotional challenges.

Opportunities for practice are plentiful and are found in common situations such as when a child or teen is: feeling hungry; wanting something they can’t have; having to end screen time; contributing to household chores when they don’t feel like it; missing out on a job interview; asking someone on a date or not receiving a party invitation.

Tolerating discomfort doesn’t mean toughing out an unbearable situation. It’s teaching your anxious child to notice how they’re feeling, naming their emotions, and practising acceptance of difficult feelings as they occur. This is done in the knowledge that what they’re experiencing is temporary and that they’re lovingly supported by a warm and comforting adult. Couple tolerating discomfort with social rewards (such as words of praise or shared fun activity) for coping behaviours and you’re helping to build their personal resilience.” Grose, 2019

Have a great week with “our” kids,
Mark B

1 Peter 1:7 “Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.”