Talking about report cards – even when they’re disapointing

In the next week, you will receive your child’s report card. The conversations that follow are not always easy. The below article may help guide your conversations towards constructive and supportive communication, even when you’re feeling disappointed.

A Quick Review

• There are different reasons you might be disappointed in your child’s report card.
• What you say (and how you say it) in each situation matters.
• Focusing more on effort than on the actual grades can help.

Here are some five common report card scenarios and tips for talking about them:

1) Grades have improved, but less than you hoped

You may want to say: “I was expecting to see better results than this.”
Instead, try saying: “Nice! What do you think helped those grades go up?“

Why: Improved grades mean that your child is making progress. Consider that even a little bit can take a lot of effort. Keeping that in mind lets you talk about what’s working well. It opens the door to talk about what might help bring up the rest of your child’s grades too.

2) Grades and behaviour “Need Improvement”

You may want to say: “You’re grounded until your behaviour and grades improve. No more technology!”
Instead, try saying: “I need to take some time to think about this. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

Why: When the news isn’t great, you might be tempted to jump to some sort of punishment. You’re no doubt feeling frustrated and upset. However, punishment doesn’t usually help kids do better next time.

Take some time to think about what “improvement” would look like for your child. Be realistic and talk it over with your child. Then come up with a plan to help make it happen.

3) Grades remained the same, but behaviour and effort improved.

You may want to say: “I’m glad to see that you’re putting in more effort. If only your grades were better, too.”
Instead, try saying: “It’s good to hear you’re getting the hang of what you need to do to work hard and behave in class. Let’s figure out how to get better at classwork, too.”

Why: When we look at a child’s report card, grades are usually the first thing we see. But don’t forget to look at teacher comments to learn about other progress your child is making. If school is hard for your child, putting in more effort is a big deal.

4) Some grades improved, but others worsened.

You may want to say: “What happened with the rest of your subjects?”
Instead, try saying: “Your maths and science results look great! What’s going on in the rest of your subjects?”

Why: As students get older, the expectations for learning change. It can be harder to meet these standards in some subjects. One of my children avoids maths because he doesn’t enjoy it. So we’ve created a timetable where he has to nominate maths study time.

Talk with your child about the classes that had lower grades this time around. Ask whether there’s anything about them that’s hard and what would help. Conversations like that teach kids to speak up for what they need in order to improve and to create action to address it.

5) Poor grades in most subjects, even though your child is working hard.

You may want to say: “You’re failing everything?! But you’re working so hard!”
Instead, try saying: “I’m really surprised by these grades. I’ve seen how hard you’re working. We’re going to work together to figure this out.”

Why: If kids are working hard and still struggling, there’s a good chance they already feel bad. Kids in this situation may be scared that nothing they do helps.

Kindly saying that you know they’re working hard can be a relief for children. It tells them you know they’re not “just being lazy.” And showing that you’re committed to figuring out what’s happening can be a confidence boost. It tells them you’re in it together. Establish a study timetable ~ it’s a common problem that kids often don’t know how to study. Create a timetable and enter each homework task, sport commitments, breaks and downtime.

To Sum Up

• Don’t just look at the grades — read the teacher’s comments too.

• If your child improved in one area, talk about what your child did to make that happen.

• If your child is working hard but still struggling, make sure your child knows that you see the effort. Contact their teacher to seek support and answers.

(Source: https://www.literacyforboys.com.au/report-cards-5-common-situations-and-how-you-can-discuss-them-with-your-child/