The measure of a child is not another child

The conversations we have during Parent Teacher Interviews can be incredibly powerful as both parents and educators. Without a doubt, the time you spent with your child’s teacher this week has helped you understand your child better, as well as helping the teacher gain more perspectives on the young person that enters their classroom each day.

In some cases, we as parents can be tempted to think and ask questions that compare our children to others. The thoughts from parenting expert Michael Grose below provide an interesting perspective on the dangers of this kind of thinking:

Benchmarks are important in parenting as they let us know how are children are developing. Due to the individual nature of children it’s difficult to have a stringent set of benchmarks. Kids instead go through a set of developmental milestones and markers. For example,

· They will crawl before they walk.

· They will talk babble before they can say ‘real’ words.

· They will separate when they are ready.

It’s easy to use your friends’ kids as benchmarks. This is natural but can cause consternation and worry. When we’re parenting toddlers it can often sound like, “Your child walked at twelve months. Mine is thirteen months and still sliding along on her bottom! Mmmmm! What’s going on?” It’s when kids are at school that the real benchmarking takes place. We see other children reading at an early age and we think, “Why not my child?” We see a teenager who appears so self-assured and confident and we think, “Why can’t my teenager look and sound like that?”

Just as a measure of a parent, is not another parent the measure of a child is never another child.

Your child will develop his own talents and strengths in his or her own time. Avoid playing the comparison game as it will just cause heart-ache for you and your child. Some kids will excel compared to others, while some will not. It takes longer to grow some kids than others so patience and perseverance (to keep doing and saying the rights things) are your best assets as parents.

Focusing on children’s individual strengths, talents, interests and rates of development is at the heart of effective parenting. Anything else is a distraction.