The Art of Responding, Not Reacting

How often did your kids ‘push your buttons’ over the holidays?

Whether your answer was ‘never’ or ‘all the time’, or somewhere in between he following insights might be useful to.

But more than that, these tips on managing the way we respond to our triggers are useful for the children in our lives. Is this something you could talk about around the dinner table, in the car or on the couch this week?

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Parenting is a journey filled with joys, challenges, and everything in between. One of the most difficult challenges to navigate is how to manage your own triggers during moments of high emotion and intense behaviour – particularly when it feels like your child knows exactly which buttons to press to make you lose your cool! 

Know Your Triggers

When your child’s meltdown hits, or they do whatever it is that makes you want to flip your lid, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and react without thinking.

Learning to recognise your triggers is a crucial step in managing your response. Pay attention to the physical and emotional signals your body sends when you’re getting upset. It might be a tightening in your chest, a clenching of your jaw, or a racing heart. Keeping note of what triggers you and the situations that provoke them can be helpful. 

When you know your triggers you can anticipate and plan for high-stress moments, which in turn will affect how you respond to your child’s behaviour. Because although you can’t control their emotions, you can control your response.

You Have The Power

Stephen Covey’s principle of the space between a stimulus (the trigger) and our reaction emphasises that we have the power to choose how we respond. In moments of stress, this idea can be incredibly empowering for parents. Use this space to pause, to take a deep breath. It’s your call what happens next. 

Ultimately, “being triggered” is on you as the adult in the relationship. YOU are in charge of YOUR buttons. Rather than reprimanding your button-pushing child, lean in, soften your stance, and attempt to understand and work with your child in these trying moments. 

Want to get furious? Choose to get curious. 

Slowing down your responses and reactions requires considerable effort in the early phases, but as time goes on, it is required less and less. Soon enough, not only does slow become fast, but the effort you put into understanding your triggers and managing your responses will pay off tenfold. 

Source: Justin Coulson, HappyFamilies.com.au