We had our first round of Principal’s Tours yesterday and it was great to meet many new people and share our wonderful school family with them. Thank you to you all for sharing your experiences at Prescott Primary Northern with friends and family, as that is how many of our visitors came to know about our school. As a part of our Principal’s Tours, we ask our student leaders to prepare and share their thoughts about school. Over the last few weeks, I have sat with them and we discussed what it was they would like to share, planned an outline so they feel more comfortable and confident, and then they finalised their script. I am so proud of our student leaders and how willing and able they are to represent our students and school. This process of preparation for our leaders, reminded me of an article I read recently about helping all of our students prepare for social situations that they may find challenging, difficult or uncomfortable. It talks about social scripting and how we can help our children to become more aware, resilient and independent. I hope you find something in the article to help with your parenting and teaching.

“Recently, I heard my adult daughter rebuke a male friend for telling her that she’d lost weight. “You just can’t say that,” remarked my daughter. Realising his mistake this young man said, “So what should I say instead?” “Tell me I look healthy.”

“Hey, you look really healthy!”

“That’s better,” remarked my daughter, who’s not backward in coming forwards.

This young man’s scripting was askew. He knew that a male complimenting a female on losing weight maybe no compliment at all, however he didn’t know what else to say. My daughter gave him a new script that he can use in similar situations in the future.

This scenario is relevant to parenting. Parents should always be looking for opportunities to give their kids the social scripts to express themselves in different situations.

Benefits of providing kids with social scripts:

Social scripting wins the parenting trifecta. Giving kids the words to use helps them stay safe; become social and importantly, promotes their independence. Your job as a parent is to wean kids off you. Social scripting is a big part of this process.

So if keeping kids safe, while socialising and developing their independence is important then look for ways to give kids the right words to use. Here are some ideas to get you started.

1. Asking a teacher for help or assistance

Kids often coerce parents to do their bidding with teachers, coaches, siblings and other adults. It’s easy to pick up the phone and arrange to meet a teacher or go into your child’s room and ask for something on behalf of your child. Take a different approach. “Choose a time when your teacher is free, and then ask her if you can sit at the front of the classroom. You could say….”

2. Entering a game at school

Many kids struggle to enter into a game or activity at school, so they sit on the sidelines and miss out. Consider coaching a child about how he or she may approach a situation. Suggest that he or she looks for someone they know, and wait for a lull in the game before asking. Social scripting involves timing, not just the words to use.

3. Telling a sibling to stop annoying them

“Jessica, please stop flicking the ruler while I’m watching TV. I find it annoying.” This may work. If not, this child could try, “Jessica, could you flick your ruler elsewhere.” It may work. It may not. But it’s infinitely better than yelling, “Jessica, DDDOOOONNNN’TTTT!!!!”

4. Saying No to a friend without losing face

Research shows that many teenagers struggle with peer pressure because they don’t know how to say NO in a way that maintains their status. One strategy is to use an excuse rather than say give an outright NO. “I don’t want to drink tonight because I’ve got football training in the morning.”

5. Expressing their emotions

Both genders can struggle to express their feelings, particularly if they haven’t been taught the words to use at home. Recently, I saw a mother prompt her three year old when he was clearly annoyed.

“Are you frustrated Maxie?”

“Yes, I fusttated!!”

“Would you like a hug?

“Yessss!”

You’re never too young or too old to be hugged. Just as you’re never too young or too old to receive a social script from a well-meaning parent or friend.” (Grose, 2019)

Have a great week with your kids,

Mark B