Safe bodies, safe places, safe kids

As parents our children’s safety is always on our minds. As they explore the world around them there is the chance they will come across people or places that make them feel uncomfortable. Some of these may end up being unsafe.

It is important that we have conversations with our children that equip them with the confidence and skills they need to avoid and report on situations that make them feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

It’s OK to say ‘no’

It’s important that our children understand that’s ok to say no to unwanted touch or activity - even if that person has been nice to them.

It’s OK for your child to say ‘No!’ if someone:

• touches them
• asks them to do something that feels unsafe, scary or confusing
• does something that makes them want to get away
• is threatening, bribing or blackmailing them
• has tricked them into an unsafe situation.

It’s also important for children to accept it when other people say ‘no’ to them.

Listening to our body's warning signs

Children’s bodies give them warning signs when something is wrong or they don’t feel safe. These signs can happen in many unsafe situations. You can protect your children by helping them recognise and use words for these warning signs.

For example, you might say, ‘When you feel unsafe you might feel funny in the tummy, your heart might beat fast, or your body might feel hot, shaky or wobbly’.

It’s OK and important for children to act on these warning signs. For example, you could say, ‘If you’re with someone and have these feelings, it’s OK to go somewhere else and be with someone else so you feel safe. It’s also important to tell me about how you felt, so I can help you stay safe’.

It’s good to talk with your child about who to go to when they feel unsafe. Together you can identify trusted family and friends or police and teachers. Remind your child that if someone doesn’t believe them, it’s important to keep telling people until someone listens and helps them feel safe.

Keeping our bodies safe

Your child or the child you’re caring for needs to know that their body is their own. When your child understands this, they can also understand that it’s wrong for other people to touch their body, ask to see their body, or take photos or videos of their body.

You might say something like, ‘Your body belongs to you. No-one can touch or see your body without a good reason. If a grown up or older child wants to touch you that’s not OK. Even if it’s someone you know, it’s still not OK. You should tell me straight away, even if they ask you to keep it a secret’.

Let your child know about ‘good reasons’. For example, ‘A doctor or nurse might ask to see your body. That’s a good reason, but only if I’m there too’.

Suprises and unsafe secrets

You can help your child or the child you’re caring for stay safe by helping them understand the difference between surprises and unsafe secrets.

Here’s how you could explain the difference:

• Surprises: ‘Surprises are good, like when Nanna tells you what she’s getting your sister for her birthday. This is a surprise for your sister. You might feel excited but not yucky about the surprise.’
• Unsafe secrets: ‘Some secrets might make you feel worried, like if a friend tells you that they’re going to take something that doesn’t belong to them. These sorts of secrets can make people feel unhappy and yucky. You need to tell me or another adult you trust. We can decide how to help you with the yucky feelings.’

Safe and unsafe places

It’s a good idea to talk with your child or the child you’re caring for about what makes places and situations safe or less safe.

Younger children can’t always recognise safe and unsafe places, so it’s best to talk about how different places make them feel. You could ask your child, ‘Where do you feel happy and know that you’ll be safe? What does it look like? Who is there? Why does it make you feel safe?’

You can explain the difference in this way:

• Safe places: ‘A safe place is where there are a lot of people around and you know people. In a safe place, you might feel calm or happy.’
• Unsafe places: ‘An unsafe place is where you can’t see other people around who could help you.’

It can also help to talk with your child about what to do in unsafe situations and practise what they’d do and say. For example:

• ‘What would you do if I wasn’t at school at pick-up time?’
• ‘What would you do if someone you didn’t know wanted you to help them look for their dog?’
• ‘What would you do if you felt uncomfortable in a public toilet?’
• ‘What would you do if an adult or another child you knew and liked did something that made you feel yucky or scared?’
• ‘What would you do if someone you didn’t know started messaging you on social media, even if they said they were a child?’
• ‘What would you do if someone touched your body in a way that you didn’t think was OK?’