The secret skills your child needs to succeed

Children with strong social skills have been shown to do better in life. The ability to navigate the world socially (what’s known as social and emotional intelligence or EQ) often matters more for lifetime success than how smart our kids are!

But what are social skills, and what developmental milestones should we expect our children to reach… and when?

Social Skills

Social skills are about so much more than the ability to talk and learn language. Communication is critical for social success and the psychological immunity it brings. But there is much more to real resilience and immunity. Skills like self-awareness, impulse control, emotional regulation, conflict resolution, and the ability to communicate clearly: these are qualities that lead to flourishing relationships, academic success, and most of what else predicts great outcomes in life.

How to help

Here are some simple tips and tricks to help your child share more easily, be more confident around other children or adults, or navigate those tricky social situations that we all struggle with.

Empathy, empathy, empathy: Research tells us pretty clearly that the more empathic we can be, the more likely it is that our children will be empathic.

Be a model: Our children watch and learn from us. How we speak to them (and others) and how we interact with them (and others) is the example they’ll follow as they grow. They’ll be terribly imperfect in their early years, but your modelling is important as an example.

Be an emotion scientist: If you can be an example with your own emotions, and then be curious about your children’s emotional world, they’ll learn that emotions are to be discovered, understood, accepted, and regulated. They’ll learn that if you’re ok with emotions, they can be too. Being understanding of emotions helps our children know that their feelings are a normal part of being human. (Note, this doesn’t mean letting kids have huge emotions whenever they feel like it. Instead, it means teaching them about their emotions and helping them learn to regulate them.)

Identify emotions in friends: When your child takes turns, point out how happy the other child is. Ask them, “How did Liam feel when you let him have a turn?” You could read a book and ask, “How does this person feel when that happens?” This teaches emotional intelligence and empathy quickly and effectively. Start as early as you can.

Never allow physical aggression: Because our kids use their bodies so much at this age, we do need to intervene. Let them know it’s ok to feel upset or frustrated, but we always have soft hands.

Teach them to find ways to help: I’ve always taught my kids to look for the helpers and be around them. If they see someone sad, ask them “What do you think happened? How can you help?” Teaching children to be helpers doesn’t just build compassion and empathy. It teaches them how to be a good person with social capability, and an improved ability to regulate their emotions and make a difference in other’s lives.

Ultimately our children are just that – children. They’ll struggle to navigate social challenges all their lives. But when we establish a strong foundation by creating a safe home environment, teaching them empathy, setting effective boundaries, and helping them to find ways to help others, we build their social and psychological immunity. When tough times come – and they will – they’ll have a solid foundation to stand on.

(Source: Social Skills Are The Secret To Stronger Emotional Immunity - Happy Families)