6 Surprising Self-Care Strategies that Work

Parents, this one is for you. We all need a reminder to look after ourselves - particularly as so much of our lives as parents are devoted to caring for others. Here's six simply ideas worth considering to help get the most out of your life and be the best you can for your family.

1. Practice all of those unexciting habits

This is the stuff that real self-care is made of. If we really cared about ourselves, we’d eat, sleep, move, and take care of our body’s needs so much better. It matters. Here’s a sample of what might be an unexciting but important habit:

• floss
• get enough sleep
• eat healthy meals at consistent times
• move your body 
• get time in nature
• be mindful (or get your spiritual/religious practice in order)
• journal 
• pay off your credit cards

If you’ve ever looked after an elderly parent (or a child?), you’ll know that this is the stuff we talk about all the time. We look at them and emphasise: “You’ve got to take care of yourself.”  In case you missed it, that’s code for “eat well, exercise, sleep, do the healthy stuff.” Seems kind of obvious when you put it like that huh? 

2. Practice re-creation

Recreation is misunderstood. Broken down into two words it literally means we re-create ourselves. The word emphasises the need for renewal. When we re-create something, we build it up from scratch.  What does your re-creation time look like? If it’s time spent on Instagram or Netflix passively consuming content, you’re probably not doing much re-creation.  Re-creation means rest from the everyday distractions - but not necessarily ‘rest’ like you’re lying down in bed. It’s the kind of rest that is restorative. No phone time. But maybe a walk. Or a run. Perhaps a good book that helps you grow. Soak it in. Think. Do inner work. Be mindful. Re-create. If you swapped out one screen session each day (let’s say 20 minutes on social media or 60 minutes on Netflix) for one re-creation session of the same length, I’d guarantee you would feel more refreshed.

3. Limit exposure to high cost relationships 

Some people are “energy vampires”. Being around them drags us down. But, I’ve read too many articles about how we should dump people who leave us feeling like that. This is unrealistic. And it’s bad advice because sometimes it’s someone close, like family!  Two points here. 

1. Understand the difference between someone having a hard time (like your ADHD or ASD child) and someone who is toxic (like the Negative Nelly who is always making everything about her, or blaming you for all of her problems). 
2. When you have to be around people who are challenging, find ways to practice compassion towards them. Don’t be condescending about it. Just realise that their life is probably pretty tough and find ways to see them through soft, kind eyes. It will elevate you, them, the relationship, and your wellbeing.

4. Multiply your positive experiences

Science suggests that the sum of many small positive events will matter more than one big thing. Multiply and savour those many moments each day and life will feel less of a grind. For real self-care, make sure you find joy in lots of small things.

5. Learn to tolerate moderate discomfort

No one likes being uncomfortable. And it seems strange that an article about self-care would encourage being uncomfortable. After all, isn’t that why people clamour for #selfcare? Because they don’t want to be uncomfortable? Here’s what’s strange: when we learn to tolerate discomfort, we find our capacity for it increases. What was once uncomfortable ceases to be so.  Exercise is the perfect example. If you haven’t tried running for a while then a 200m run will hurt. But do it daily, tolerate the pain, and within a month you’ll be running 1km, and then 2km, and then 5km. The challenge, the opportunity for relationships, the positive experience, and the re-creation it generates will be a powerful form of self-care.

6. Challenge yourself

This is my favourite self-care strategy of all.  Think about those you love the most: your children. You instinctively know that for them to find joy in life, they have to do hard things. They have to push through barriers, develop resilience, be strong, and accomplish what they thought was impossible. It’s the very process of doing hard things that brings a sense of purpose.  Those we care about most, we push the hardest to grow and be better versions of themselves. Doing something hard is precisely the opposite of the Instagrammable #selfcare relaxation vision that is promoted to us. And let’s acknowledge lots of us don’t feel energetic enough to pursue a challenge when we are already weary and walloped by our workload. Yet… doing a self-chosen hard activity over a period of time gives us focus, growth, and purpose.  If we truly want to care about ourselves, we’ll find ways to push ourselves to greater heights. And relationships in family life may be one area that gives us that opportunity more than any other.

Read more about self-care for parents at: https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/articles/self-care-strategies