Are you ok, really?

On Thursday, Australia celebrates R U OK Day, a national day of action for mental health.

The day encourages us to check in on others by asking the simple question, ‘Are you ok?’

But let’s be honest, if a friend of yours or I were to stand in front of you today and ask, “Are you OK?” how would you respond? Could you, or would you, share how you really are?

Talking about our feelings isn't always easy - but it is always important. Here are some ways to help us all better identify and talk about the way we are really feeling (these are just as applicable for kids as they are adults, so feel free to talk about them at home):

Stop and get curious

Take the time to stop and check in with yourself, as often as once a day. Ask yourself the following questions:

• How am I feeling?
• What is the issue?
• What is coming up here?
• Did something happen to cause me to feel this way?
• How is my body feeling? Am I experiencing any tension, shaking or an increased heart rate? Am I finding it hard to concentrate?

Expand your vocabulary

If you’re finding it hard to describe what you’re feeling, look up a list of emotions online (an emotion wheel is a useful tool for children and adults alike). It can help to point you to the ones that resonate when you’re struggling to identify them on your own. Try to come up with three words that describe how you’re feeling and take a moment to expand on them. Labelling your emotions with words will increase your self-awareness and help you to communicate them more effectively to others.

Write it out

You don’t have to write pages of beautifully written prose and there’s many ways to go about it:

• Put a timer on for five minutes and write about the thoughts you’re having. For example, maybe you’re thinking, I can’t believe they said that! orWhat did I do to deserve this? or Nobody is doing anything! Write how this is causing you to behave. Are you isolating from people, getting aggressive, checking out by scrolling on your phone?
• Label your emotions on a scale from 1–10. How deeply are you feeling them?
• Expand on the words you chose from a list of feelings and how they relate to the internal and external things happening in your life.
• Write a description of the sensations you are feeling in your body and see if you can connect them to your emotions.
• If you have something you want to say to someone, write a letter without the intention of sending it.

Talk it out

Have you ever felt better after a conversation with a close friend about something you are struggling with? The circumstance itself hasn’t changed, your friend might have done nothing but listen, though it feels like a giant weight has been lifted?

Having regular meaningful conversations about our emotions with a good friend, family member or mentor is hugely beneficial.

In light of “R U OK Day”, I invite you to ask yourself first, with the same amount of curiosity and compassion you might ask someone you care about: How are you, really?

8 September is R U Ok Day – a national day of action for mental health. Visit ruok.org.au to learn more or join local R U OK Day events