Why won’t they do what they are told?

There’s nothing quite as frustrating as a child who doesn’t listen, right?

While our role as parents isn’t to create mindless robots that simply, and only, do what they are told, we do need our children to follow our instructions - otherwise life can become incredibly impractical, unsafe, and uncivil.

Along with the basic ideas about repetition, volume (or lack of it) and finding ways to say ‘yes’, the brilliant article at Happy Families ‘What to do when kids won’t listen’ shares 5 ‘advanced answers’ that are worth considering. They are summarised below:

1. Work on it together

Being told to go and carry out a task alone can feel both isolating and punishing. From cleaning the room to washing the dishes (or the car!) our children’s willingness to get stuff done increases enormously when we collaborate with them.

2. Ask and wait

After you’ve asked your child to do something and they don’t do it, how long do you usually wait before you ask again? Ten seconds? One minute? My suggestion. Wait longer. Give it about five minutes.

3. Stop praising your kids

The more that our children come to rely on our external judgments about their behaviour, the less we will find them helpful (unless they’re receiving more and more praise). If your children help, don’t give them the verbal equivalent of a doggy biscuit. To acknowledge them, say thanks. And let it be.

4. Consider your ratio of correction/direction vs connection

Spend time building relationships together, doing things together, and working out solutions together. Connection creates a desire for compliance far more than correction and direction.

5. Remember your children are illogical and irrational

Just accept it. The reason that your child ignores you, screams at you, refuses to help, and behaves like a child is because… he or she is a child! When our expectations for our children’s behaviour are congruent with our child’s actual developmental reality, their tantrums and refusals make sense.

6. Stop making life all about your kids

When we make life all about our children they feel a level of expectation and entitlement. If we can teach them that life is better when they help others, think of others, engage with others, and live for others, we’ll find they are more likely to help out willingly - and enjoy the opportunity.

Read the full article here - https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/articles/what-to-do-when-kids-wont-listen