Are you happy? And, do you know it?

Most of us are familiar with this childhood song -  'If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!'

Maybe you’ve sung it, had it sung to you, or heard it sung at a preschool, library, or on the TV?

The strange expectation we have is that everyone knows what 'happy' means and is feeling happiness at just that moment in order to clap their hands along with the song.

But what if you don't know if you're happy... or what it is you're feeling in the first place?

Do I clap my hands, stomp my feet or pull the quilt over my face and pretend I'm not feeling anything for a little while longer?

Having the language to understand and express emotions is a powerful skill to have in our social and emotional tool-box as parents. And, it’s important that we help our children grow in this skill too.

Psychologists highlight that understanding what you're feeling at any given moment can help you make better decisions, move through uncomfortable emotions and prevent some of those bad feels in the future.

In short, being able to recognise and name how you feel is a foundational part of success and general wellbeing.

Amelia Aldao PHD puts it this way, 'Having a good sense of what you're feeling needs to be the starting point. Otherwise, it's like playing a sport without knowing where the goal is.'

You may have seen the graphic below before -  it's a simple and powerful way to work through how you are feeling, and a useful tool to use with your own kids if and when they are struggling to explain or constructively respond to how they are feeling.

Start in the middle, and see if you can become more specific with the emotion you are experiencing.

If you can name it, you can then work out what to do with it.

Having the language to talk about our social and emotional health is the first step to improving it.

Take a moment this week to reflect on your own feelings – particularly when they turn to those on the right-side of the wheel.

Next time your child is struggling to deal with their emotions, instead of squashing them why not use this tool to help them explore and name how they are feeling, and then work together to find some positive responses to that emotion.

PS - Felt an emotion that's not on the above list - you might want to check out 7 emotion's you've probably experienced but never knew.