I recall several occasions from my growing-up years when I was asked this question by my parents and not being sure of the right answer. “Are you responsible for this?”

My first thought was something like, “If I was responsible, this probably wouldn’t have happened.” My outside answer was usually more like, "Well, if they hadn’t  done something first, then I wouldn’t have..." I was then given the “responsibility” talk about learning to take responsibility for my own actions.

As I have reflected on things down through the years, it has raised some interesting thoughts. We work very hard as parents and educators to develop a strong sense of responsibility in our children. It is vital that we teach them the importance of being the one who chooses directions, but also know the sense of accountability for those choices.

However, I must also bear responsibility as a parent, teacher, school leader, and more mature person, for helping guide and encourage our children. It is the whole idea of shared responsibility, or social responsibility, that each of us should have if we are to help our family, school, community, city, country, or indeed our world, become a better place.

This shared responsibility is not always as easy to put into practice as it may seem at first. One of the areas that this becomes very evident in is the use of electronic devices by our kids. We have that path to tread here at school, and I know families also have to work through the complexities around creating responsibility in this area.

Below is an article with some very practical suggestions on how to approach the use of technology by our families and develop shared responsibility for helping technology be used for the best outcomes for all.

There are also a couple of links to some extra resources which you may find helpful.

Don’t ‘ban’ devices, make a plan

Creating your family’s technology use agreement is an evolving task and requires careful considerations. Involve your children in decisions about what are meaningful restrictions on the use of devices, based on what is fair, healthy, and aligned to the values of your family. Consider these key features:

• Avoid bookending the day with technology use, especially before bed
• Limit the stretches of time spent online in one sitting/viewing, break this up across the day
• Diversify the digital ‘diet’ – explore a range of online activities (games, TV shows, apps, etc) and try new content that might not be as popular, but possibly more pro-social
• Have clear expectations across the offline aspects of the day/week (around chores, learning, etc)
• Outline where screen-based media use can take place. Avoid bedrooms in favour of common areas.

Effective technology contracts involve consistency, protecting time offline for exercise, socialising, and other activities. Avoid using time online as a currency and create rewards and consequences that suit your particular family and situation.

Co-view and co-play, to spark conversations

Using technology together – by viewing content or playing games – is a good way to prompt meaningful conversations about device use, online activities and interactions. This will help young people make sense of their experiences and build skills to circumvent and/or manage online issues.

Bring curiosity rather than fear to these conversations. Talk about what you and they do, see and read online, how they feel about this activity, and how they respond to others. Fake news and misinformation is rife online, so helping kids understand how to spot dodgy information and think critically about what they see online is vital. Be conscious of listening to young people’s perspectives, rather than lecturing them about what they ‘should’ do (they know this but doing it in reality can be tricky!).

Parental monitoring software can help, up to a point

There are hundreds of monitoring and tracking tools designed to help manage time online, or block age-inappropriate content. While these tools can be helpful, the social-emotional and cognitive skills that allow us to manage our choices and behaviours require real-life opportunities to rehearse and repeat. Software doesn’t do the tough work of parenting (negotiations, communication, battling big emotions and burgeoning identity and independence) for you or guarantee no exposure to dicey content!

Don’t sweat the screen ‘time’, consider broader factors

Parents can get caught up on the amount of time their children spend online. Yet there is no agreement among experts as to what constitutes excessive time online. Instead, focus on:

• the quality of the content – what is it about, is it developmentally appropriate, does it require passive or interactive consumption?
• the context in which the technology is being used – when alone, in groups, or to pacify a child in a café or to stop a tantrum, in a global pandemic and lock-down?
• the cognitions (that is, the mental action) associated with the activity – are these thoughts helpful and constructive?
• the function of the activity – is it to study, for social connection, information gathering, or other uses?

Asking these more detailed questions about online activities will help parents make more informed decisions about whether particular technology use is serving their children’s wellbeing and development, and how to help their children manage this tech use.

Check your own habits and be a positive digital mentor

Parents are important role models for children – and this extends to screen and smartphone use. Be mindful of your own digital habits (and how easily they can creep into overuse territory) to ensure you set a valuable example of safe and savvy digital citizenry. Kids see our use of technology and consider that as the standard, try ‘narrating’ what you’re using devices for – is it to pay bills or organise the family, or to answer emails that could probably wait?! (Brewer, 2022)

Click here to view a quick tip video by Dr Justin Coulson related to this Insights article

Have a great week with your kids,

MB