The Magic Ratio

5:1 - that’s the magic ratio, according to John Gottman at least.

Gottman is an expert in the field of relationships, and has identified that we need to give more positive feedback to others than negative in order for a relationship to remain stable.

He calls this the 5:1 Relationship Ratio.

Unfortunately, this runs counter to how many of our brains work. We all have a natural negative bias – our brains are seemingly trained to look for the negative. It’s often how we find and act on ways to improve ourselves and others. Even when we want the best for those we love – including our children and partners – our ratio of positive to negative feedback can get out of balance.

How true does this sound for the words that you say and hear?

Here’s a challenge for everyone - parents, staff and students included: Spend the next week consciously praising loved ones with positive feedback. Maybe choose one person a day, and see what difference it makes.

And not just tokenistic praise, make it real and genuine acknowledgement of tasks competed, effort applied, time spent, or characteristics that you love.

Take the time to notice the types of connections you are having with your loved ones - are they based on positive feedback or negative feedback?

As you make a conscious effort to connect positively, notice people's responses. Are there any changes? If so, what?

Have fun forming positive connections this week.