The end of a school year often throws up interesting challenges. One of them is helping children with relationships and growing and maturing as they grow more tired as the year goes by. When you think about it, the changes that a person goes through between the ages of 5 and 15 are some of the greatest we ever experience, especially in a short period of time. As we work with children, one of the things we really strive to do is get them to see things from other’s perspectives, particularly in times of conflict. This is a very important emotional skill to develop as empathy provides a depth to relationships that nothing else can. I sat with a young person during the last week and asked the question several times about how the other person might be feeling, what must it be like to be in that person’s position, what do you think the person might see in the next few weeks. Empathy is about seeing and feeling situations from another’s perspective, not just feeling sorry for them and that is something we can all really benefit from developing.

I read this article a week or two ago about the importance of developing empathy in our children. I thought you might find it helpful.

“Parenting is a socialisation process during which parents develop in their children and teenagers the skills and attitudes that will enable them to fit into the different groups they encounter. These groups will exist inside the classroom, in friendship groups, during sports and leisure activities and elsewhere.

This socialisation process needs to begin from a young age.

Initially, most kids believe that their world and everyone in it revolves around them. “I want” is their mantra. Patient, firm parents will continually remind children that they need to think of others. “It’s your brother’s turn.” ”Nana doesn’t feel comfortable listening to that language.” “Think about how your behaviour affects others.” These are the types of appeal to a less self-centred approach that many parents make.

The socialisation process operates on two levels. On one level its focus is on teaching and helping kids to follow social rules or conventions that exist to help them get along with each other. At a deeper level successful socialisation develops empathy in a child or young person.

Empathy – the ability to understand how another person is feeling or how they respond to a behaviour or an event – is the basis of all respectful relationships. Without empathy it’s impossible for someone to enjoy a relationship based on respect and equality. It’s easy for a person who doesn’t practise empathy to reject, bully, intimidate or hurt someone else.

Empathy learned in childhood carries on to adult life

Empathetic adults enjoy better personal relationships and experience less stress. They also make better leaders who are more likely to get the best out of people than self-centred, result-focused leaders.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that empathy, if neglected in childhood, can be difficult to develop in adulthood. In some adults it takes a traumatic event or a ‘road-to-Damascus’ moment for them to adopt an empathetic perspective.

So, rather than wait until adulthood, let’s focus on developing empathy in your children and adolescents. There is a good chance they will benefit very soon in terms of enjoying better friendships, improved wellbeing and more success at school. Here are four ideas to get you started:

1. Model empathetic behaviour. Be kind even though the person in front of you in that queue is slow.
2. Praise kind and compassionate behaviours. The behaviours that parents focus on, even with teenagers, are those that tend to expand, so bring their empathetic behaviours to the fore.
3. Validate your child’s feelings. When a child shares difficult stories or emotions let them know you understand, without offering solutions or advice.
4. Invite your child to walk in someone else’s shoes. Occasionally ask your child a question like, “What would it be like to be feel tall like Tanya?”

Empathy is too important to wait until adulthood so make it a priority to develop a sense of ‘other’ in your child from an early age.” (Grose, 2018)

Galatians 6:2 encourages us to “Share one another’s burdens . . .” This is another way of asking us to be empathetic and what a wonderful thing to share with our children.

Have a great week with your kids,

Mark B